a n x i o u s

  anx⋅ious  

–adjective 1. full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous

Lately I have been under a great amount of strain.  I have been feeling pressure about the future.  My mind is also often times thinking about the mistakes of my past. 

There are many things I wish to accomplish.  There are some desires of my heart that have yet to come to pass.  Clearly, I understand that in order for me to achieve certain things in life,  personal growth must occur.  So then, my logical conclusion with my little finite mind is, "okay Melissa YOU need to get it together.  This is what you're going  to do!"  And the pressure begins. 

Sometimes I feel that if I hadn't accomplished x,y, and z by thirtyfive years old then I have missed the mark!  I've failed.  Consequently, I 've placed myself under a heap of uneccessary pressure to do it thirtysix!...  thirtyseven?...  Then it becomes,"Oh God, please by thirtynine!!!!"

I'm not speaking of healthy goal setting here.  I'm speaking of stress, anxiety, pressure and some sense of failure when things don't pan out the way I would like.  As I sit here writing this, I realize that when I do this I am operating clearly out of fear and not faith.  {sigh}

I think lately God is teaching me a lesson in this area.   

First, that He is in control, not me.  Second, that my steps are ordered by God.  He and He alone knows exactly when and where my blessings will occur.  I'm learning lately to completely surrender my will in every area of my life to His and to trust my process.

I have to tell you this is extremely difficult for me and at times even painful.  It's easy to trust when I understand and agree with the plan.  Sure!  I can go along with that!  But what happens when I don't understand?  What if I really don't agree with how things have worked out? What if  I don't think it's fair or I feel as if I've been forgotten?

I'm learning to remember to have faith that God's word is true and stand on His promises.  Even when it looks like things are failing around me.

A good friend of mine reminded me the other day to live in the present.  Take each day and live it as it comes.  Don't fret for tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself.

The Bible tells us in Phillipians 4:6  -Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Either I believe God's word to be true or I don't and I do believe it. 

So, I will hold on to God's word and stand on His promises.  I will not fret.  I will not worry.  I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding.  In all my ways I will acknowledge Him and He WILL direct my path. 

No good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.